For the first time, I experienced an emotion that I cannot name, it is an emotion that I could not merely express in words. I have been feeling this emotion ever since I heard the news of my father’s death. Dealing with the departure of a family member is not only tough but emotionally excruciating.
My dad always told me, “You must be Independent. What if I am not there tomorrow? ” He never helped me out with anything that I asked him for, he always encouraged me to learn by doing it myself, by making mistakes.
My father passed when I was independent in every sense of the word, then why is his passing still unbearably painful? I lost my mother when I was very young and my dad was all that I had. Being a pragmatic person, I always told myself that my father would one day cease to exist physically, yet I cannot come to terms with the fact that he is gone now.
“Time will heal” they say. This is inversely working on me, with time, I only want him more. I miss him more today than yesterday and I know that tomorrow will be worse. It’s been 15 long years that my Mom passed and I still have dreams of her miraculously coming back alive. Time has not helped in any way. All rationale and logic seems invalid while grieving for a loved one. It is an irreversible pain and definitely does not fade with time. I wake up every morning with hope that my dad’s death was an ugly night mare and that he would be standing in front of me, beaming. Alas!
Its almost like I had a crash course on life with so many lessons learnt, ever since he died. They say that everything has two sides to it, for a long time I could not see what is the positive side to this. But there is one, my dad’s death has brought me face – first to reality. I now truly understand that we are individuals “playing our part”, like Shakespeare said. We are all independent units struggling to finish our race successfully and the people around us like family, friends and loved ones are all crutches that we take support from, to make our journey smoother. They have their own destinations and struggles and we just happen to be in the same place and at the same time.
I’ve learnt that, we must be the best version of ourselves with everyone around us, you never know when their roads will turn in another direction. If someone is being a road block, I bypass them. Speed breakers and traffic signals are all part of life. You will slowly get to your destination, whenever you have to. And the worst/best part about this journey is that, we don’t really know what our destination is, may be that’s how the word ‘destiny’ came about.
Life is fragile.
Wish you a Safe journey!