I do not know why I feel like writing about this today but, now that I am a mother myself, I fully comprehend what my mother would’ve felt like, when she knew her days were numbered and that her children, from a very young age would be deprived of their mother’s love, time and attention.
She would often tell me ” I am not going to live too long. I am sick and will be leaving you soon. You are the older one, you must look after your younger sister and your father when I am gone.” As a girl of 10, I never took it seriously. I would jokingly tell her. “Okay, but I am scared of ghosts, Don’t haunt me when you die.” She would laughingly say “Why would you be scared of your mother’s ghost?” and hide me in her embrace. I cannot fathom what a strong woman she must’ve been to have conversations like these with her little daughter. I knew that my mom was scared for her children, the fact that she wouldn’t be able to aid her daughters grow into adulthood made her feel terrible.
We would go to the hospital for her treatment and she would feel bad about us spending our playtime at the hospital. To make up for it, as soon as she was done with her treatment, no matter how frail she felt, she cooked food that we loved and took us out to play as often as she could.
The unwelcome day had come, sometime mid – September in 2002, when my mom’s life just slipped out of this world and she succumbed to cancer. I was still too young to comprehend what I had lost. Now, when I feel that unconditional love towards my daughter, I wish that I should’ve also experienced that purest love for a little longer.